Day 4: Still. In. Beijing.

As I looked over the itinerary for our intrepid adventurers today, I found it to be a strange and interesting medley of activities. They'll start with a visit to a cloisonne factory, move on to the Great Wall of China, then find a little time for the Ming Tombs. Think they're done? Oh-ho-ho no, they'll wrap up this busy day with--you're gonna love this--Kung Fu School. Kung Fu School. I swear my mother will never be the same after this trip.

In case you're as ignorant as me (I?) about cloisonne, let me share with you a little history on the subject. The source from which I plagiarized (http://artisticchinesecreations.stores.yahoo.net/more-cloisonne.html) has this to say about it:

Chinese cloisonne is a kind of artwork made of red copper roughcast and decorated colorful glaze. It was well known in the time of Jingtai of Ming Dynasty (1450--1456) for the most exquisite production. When produced, the first is to make the roughcasts of various vessels with red copper, such as vase, dish, jar, box and so on. Then the second is to inlay flower pattern with staved copper wires and weld on roughcasts to form the pattern frame. On the spaces there are full of many orderly and beautiful Jindi Patterns that are filled with colorful glazes later. After the roughcasts are put into a stove for burn, they are polished to be bright. Polishing is using coarse sand, fine sand, yellow stone and charcoal in turns until blue roughcasts and copper wires are clean and smooth. The last is to increase the luster, protect against rust and then plate gold and reach the effect of brilliance and effulgence.

Perty. Perty, perty, perty. I like bling, I do I do. And I hope my mama brings me some. Maybe then I'll shut up about her loving my brother more than me. And I don't know what effulgence is, but I want me some of that, too.

But lets move on; the Great Wall of China awaits us!

Built between the 5th century BC and the 16th century, it's the world's longest human-made structure. Like a gigantic dragon, it winds up and down across deserts, grasslands, mountains and plateaus. Chinese mythology maintains that demons and evil spirits can only travel in a straight line, so the undulating wall effectively keeps them out. It spans over 4,000 miles (holy guacamole!) from the Shanhai Pass in the east to Lop Nur in the west. Shaped as an arc, it roughly delineates the southern edge of Inner Mongolia. Stone towers are built at a distance of two bowshots apart, meaning that the entire wall could be defended by the archers within it. Some of the sections are now in ruin or even gone, but it remains one of the most grand and appealing attractions to be found around the world.

And all of this before lunch.

After eating at yet another local restaurant (what kind of Russian roulette tour company is this?!), the group will proceed to the peaceful valley chosen by the Ming emperors as their burial ground. After passing through a great marble gateway more than four centuries old, they will saunter down the Avenue of the Animals. An animal lover's delight, it is lined with massive stone statues of elephants, lions, camels and "fanciful beasts." The remains of 13 emperors are spread over nearly 25 square miles, so I'd say they've got their work cut out for them (the ladies, not the emperors).

By now they're surely exhausted, but one last stop remains. To the Kung Fu School!

I don't know much about Kung Fu other than they won't let you laugh when you take lessons.

That's all--and more than enough--for today. Goodnight, friends!