(Note: in order to get the full effect of this blog, you'll have to read this post and then immediately go to the next post for the video. I can't figure out how to move a video to the place where I want it on my blog. Stoopid frickin' technology.)
Imagine the following:
You're walking down the street. Maybe you're on your way to Best Buy to get a copy of the last season of the O.C. Or perhaps you've taken a wrong turn on your way to dinner at a new friend's house. No matter. In the distance you hear the annoying, tinkling melody of a nearby ice cream truck. You are reminded of how much you hate that tune and mildly wonder what would happen if you blew up the whole effing lot of those vehicles.
As you continue down the street, the fingers of your crankyass mood start extending into other aspects of your life: for instance, the irritating new neighbor who wears a push-up bra even though she's only 26 and has no reason in the world to need one; the maddening and fruitless attempts you're making to get the Culligan guy's attention by bending over to pick up "dropped" papers by the water cooler; the embarrassment and shame as you recall getting caught printing out a hate letter to your sister on the company printer. Your mood darkens as you contemplate these offending memories.
Suddenly, the sky parts, the heavens open and it becomes instanteously and frighteningly clear to you that...ack! Jesus is coming!! He said he would return in an unexpected moment and now he has and you're not ready! Your mind is full of hateful thoughts about perky breasts and lusty imaginings involving the water boy! Oh, no!! Suddenly, Jesus turns, his eyes scanning like a heat-seeking missile...he sees you...
3 comments:
I made an ingenius comment earlier that didn't get through! But, ofcourse I cant remember what it was. Oh yeah, that Hal would remind us that it is never technology that is stupid. Also that this was excruciatingly funny and that if any one created humor, it was God, so never fear, I am sure you and your little prairie dog friend will be among the first to be swept away in the Rapture!
I awoke the other day to the most brilliant light from one of those repeating dreams to the shrill barks of so many mamma and baby elk sprawled out over Upper Meadow. I emerged from my covers and found a spot for spying on these frollicking primitives and I'm not kidding you but this adolescent bear burst from what seemed like thin air and lumbered blithely along like a big, black furry balloon breezing above the green waves of timothy below the Ruthie Carr Rocks and before I could even say hello disappeared into the shadow of an ancient spruce. Jesus has this way of pushing up against your force fields coming up under your hoods tuning your feelings to the miracle of this amazing moment. Ofcourse, yesterday, I couldn't find Him anywhere.
Dinna fash, a.fanny, your comment is safely tucked away below the prarie dog video. And please smack Hal almightily upside the head if you see him before I do and tell him he is now on my List. Your comments about the Rapture and the dawg have me envisioning a giant prarie dog descending from the heavens, wings unfolded and lovin' paws open wide, to collect us all. Amen.
And booba, well, my knees just go weak when you write. Your observations are splendid and inspirational and awesome in the true sense of the word, not in, like, the Valley Girl sense. I hope we'll hear more from you.
p.s. Yesterday Jesus was in Texas doing community service. That's why you couldn't find him.
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