Zzzzz....grzzlerr.....snort....zzzz...
Oh, good morning! Clearly Wicked has fallen off her blogging wagon again. This time she sustained a head injury, so please lower your expectations accordingly. However, she has managed to scrape her wobbly self up off the ground, adjust her state of dishabille, and climb like a monkey atop that precarious perch that is Her Blog.
Hello.
Well, since I've been tagged twice, I think it best that I complete my call-and-response task on Things About Thistle That Only Thistle Finds Interesting. I have modified the questions to fit my mood:
Breakfast Items That Are Critical To My Happiness:
*Toast, especially on bread with nuts or sesame seeds and burned just right.
*Potato chips, crackers, anything salty
*Po...ta...toes. In any form. For any meal.
*Nachos
People I Would Most Like to Share a Table With On a Cruise:
*My grandparents: the stories indicate that they were, like, super-popular on cruises. I want me some glory by association
*Jesus: I know, everyone chooses him, but seriously, I have some questions
*Moi's mom: I'd like to hear more about those years in Germany...
*The Captain and Tenille must be present for my dinner entertainment. Muskrat love!
Rudest Thing Said To Me This Week:
A teacher returned my "Welcome back!" greeting with, "I hope we don't have to see each other very much this year." Hmmm...a) Byotch!; 2) I knew what she meant, that she was simply hoping that she wouldn't have any special ed kids in her classroom (and, a teeny-tiny bit in her defense, she did have a humdinger of a classroom last year), but it was still not okay ; and C) Byotch!
Rudest Thing Done To Me This Week:
When the large, smelly man got into my lane in the pool. My lane. And then he hogged it. Never mind the perfectly good, empty lane just over there.
Jobs That Have Made Me Go, "Huh?"
*Giving out free sausage samples at Safeway
*Waitressing
Jobs I Have Had That Concerned and/or Confused My Mother:
*Paper carrier, involving crossing a 5-lane highway to get the paper route 'hood
*Counseling sex offenders
*HIV/AIDS Prevention Coordinator; I think she was concerned about all those condoms she kept finding in my car..."But Mom, they're for my job!"
Favorite Curse Words That I Can Use In Front of Children Without Too Much Fear of Repercussion:
*Durn it
*Dadgumit
*Holy guacamole (although I was informed by an 8-year-old boy that I wasn't supposed to use the word "holy" like that)
Curse Word That I Use Most Frequently After Leaving the Children
Hands down, no contest: the F-word.
Most Honest Bumper Sticker I've Ever Seen:
"F*ck off, ya f*ckin' f*ck." Seriously.
Changes I Would Make If Money Were No Object:
*Build a house with a cattery/bunnery so that it wouldn't matter if Fifi peed on the floor.
*Give start-up money to people with really innovative and workable ideas about improving life here on this planet. The gubmint can just keep its filthy paws off it, too.
*Give $$ to my sibs so they could live more comfortably
*Annoy legislators with my rich opinions
*Upgrade my computer and cell phone and hire someone to handle all my technology needs
*Take all the people I love on a way coolio vacation
Favorite Piece of Technology:
My iPod
Rather than tag someone--since I have no one to tag--I will instead challenge aj to write 5 things about hisself in the comments section.
9 comments:
If I promise not to make *rude* comments, can I be invited to your cruise? sounds fabulous.I'll be the Cap'n. I tagged Magill...lot of good That did.Glad you've re-entered the 'sphere.
ho ho, i don't even know what tagging someone means! it sounds disturbingly social, though (here AJ shudders). is it more fun than fixing DHCP so the #3 NIC can be pinged through the firewall?
durn, it *better* be.
i shall consider you're challenge and duly respond, but first i must go look up "dishabille". -ttfn-
uh.... if you tag me i'll do it. i promise. things are so heavy around my blog these days that we need some silly memes to make us feel better. so, tag me please. i'll get on it right after part III of my disturbingly long story.
glad you're back.
Oo, yes, tag Orange! I was afeared to do it, but she says it's okay!
And that swim story just makes Moi so mad. Rude people must be beat severely about the head with a Miss Manners book. "Fuck off, ya fuckin' fuck." Seriously.
Fuck the fuckin' fuckers
I would apply for the technolgy position but looks like AJ has an in'
Hmm... See... MY difference with you is that I say the "F-word" ONLY around kids. Heh, go figure.
1. don't worry about zak, for soon i am going to gather him *and* trelantana up, and have Miss Manners books surgically implanted into the *both* of them. think of it as a trip to the vet, zak... where you'll get tutored.
2. i'm not really cut out for the technology job, so it's still open. that DHCP/#3NIC story was actually all buzzword & no logic. in fact, the #3 NIC would be on the *back* side of the firewall and the DHCP protocol would assign its IP address just fine, even if there *were* no firewall. ha ha, i make a funny! seriously, don't let me near you're network unless you want it riddled with sausage samples and promo condoms (accidentally, i swear).
3. Off-Topic is my middle name. hey thistle, do you think there even *are* five things about me? does a deprecating moue count as one?
4. large smelly men flirt in ways the rest of us neither comprehend nor appreciate. nor need we ever try.
Oh, dear, I forgot about the delicate eyes of my younger readers. Please forget you ever saw such shocking language on my blog, and do take care to read the following.
To all underage readers of this blog:
Do not read the naughty bits. Or confuse me with anyone who remotely resembles a role model.
There.
NO APOLOGY FOR LENGTH and TROLLINESS:
Regarding le naughty bits and underage readers: one year ago, I took the zak, the tre, and the andy (8 at the time) to the scenic fishing spot at the Roaring River, MO. Family was waiting there, but the 5-hour car trip was guys only, no Mario present to girl things up.
This realization occurred to the boys early into the trip, & soon enough, I got the Question..."so, Jeffrey...it's just us guys, right?"
"Yep."
"Um...can we cuss in the car?"
"Knock yourselves out."
And then...like naughty fireworks was the raw cloud of blueness which rapidly engulfed the interior of my car; and Lil Andy himself was the very bluest of them all. Since that day, even as a pseudo-role-model I haven't worried about the F Word any more.
And neither should you. F! F! F-ity F F F!!!
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