Okay, so maybe it was a little harder to google that copulation quote than I thought. But I'm sure it was all worth it when you came across this fascinating little item in your search: http://www.4hearingloss.com/archives/2005/12/copulating_deaf.html?? That alone was worth the effort.
So in the interest of journalistic integrity and as an experiment in task completion, here is The Source: that line was DiRECTly quoted from a l'il ol' song called "Watchdog Report," which was one of many songs from "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas." And that, my friends, is some dang good music.
There. Moving on.
As those of you who stay in touch with the news already know, the midwest was slammed with tornadoes yesterday. When I called my mum this morning for our Friday-drive-to-work chat, we talked for some time before she casually mentioned that tornadoes had been predicted in her area last night. Well, that's nothing new in Oklahoma--it ain't called Tornado Alley for nothing--but it is a little unusual for where she lives. In some kind of weird weather vortex phenomenon that I don't fully understand--or understand at all, actually--tornadoes don't really bother them. The whole time I was growing up back home, I can only recall one that actually hit the ground. That, of course, didn't get us out of piling into the halls of the elementary school en masse and practicing our "OH NO THERE'S A TORNADO COMING!" pose, nor did it keep the warning sirens from blaring five-hundred-and-fifty-two bazillion times between March and October. Nor did it keep my brothers from standing in the front yard while the sirens screamed, trying to see the tornado as it descended its whirly twirly cone of death upon them. What is it about boys?
Anyhoo, there was a threat of tornado near the homefront last night, so my mom did what any good midwesterner would do: she tucked her purse, her cell phone, a battery-operated radio, and a variety of Small But Very Important Things into a pillowcase and toted it around with her while she cleared out a downstairs closet for her and the five dogs to hunker down in.
Jeepers, folks, this is quite an image, don't you think? I didn't know whether to laugh or to move her out here immediately, without passing go or collecting $200. After all, we all know it's much safer here in the desert, where--if she felt so inclined--she could spend her time preparing emergency fire evacuation kits. There's something about the thought of my mom getting ready for disaster all by lonesome that just tugged at my heart. Given, she has the five dogs, but their main contribution in that situation would have been flatulence--at best--and dog panic. It's not quite the same as a human companion, who could worry and angst with her and soothe her when the fear rises to mania levels. Also, people have opposable thumbs and can play the piano through the darkness, a la the Titanic. Much more comforting, don't you think?
On the other hand, dogs don't scream or clutch at you or barter you away in a desperate negotiation with God. So maybe she's got the right idea after all--clear a space, surround yourself with canines, crank up the radio with a little hip hop, and just enjoy the ride.
6 comments:
Well, from the short amount of time I have spent in the Queen Mum's presence, I have no doubt she organized her evacuation to the basement with calm, plenty of dog biscuits, and maybe just a "half inch more" of wine.
And, being that dogs have had an in with God since the beginning of time, that probably makes them the best of all the creatures with whom to face disaster (cats, well, I think the jury's still out, right?) The more of 'em, the greater your chances of hitching a ride right along up to St. Pete's.
Good Golly Miss Molly. I can visualize the whole scenario (personally, I have chosen the bathroom without a window-but, getting the 2 dogs into the tub and under a mattress could be tricky). You might suggest she consider "a little hookie" just to steady the nerves.
Wow - a dramatic image! I have never met Queen Mum but judging from the photos of her mugging and also knowing the staunch nature of midwestern women, I can feel a bit more confidence. Nevertheless, she just got a new knee which needed to get her up and down from the basement?? So that gives one pause. I hope she eventually comes to New Mexico so I get to meet her!
Moi & DR: You're absolutely right, there's no situation that can't be enhanced by a little alcohol. And if I'm going to be taken to the hereafter on the wings of a whirling dervish, I certainly want to go with a drinky-wink in my hand. So she'll be just fine. Whew!
a.fanny: Oh-ho-hooooo, you & my mom sitting side-by-side on the sofa, sharing stories and guffawing! Frightening, yet appealing. Someday we'll make it happen, and the world will never be the same.
1) aha! wicker *has* now told AJ that it's simply too late for his Stop That Copulating guess! the fact that W. did it by way of supplying the actual answer IN NO WAY changes my plan (which No One Knows).
it *is* part of a song lyric, as i knew all along it would be; but it is in fact not from the song in Best Little Doghouse in Texas. it is actually from "Istanbul (not Constantinople)" and is the secret subliminal line that follows the one about where you're date is really waiting. your welcome.
2) my mum's downstairs tornado closet is actually *in* her basement. that would have to be one bad assed tornado to get at her in there, and even if it were (and did), i suspect she would whip its vortexial ass soundly for its insolence. i don't care if your even a tornado; one does *not* test the queen mum. one just doesn't.
3) "Note: This is not necessarily news but a humor article related to deafness."
BWAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!
Dammit, aj, I shoulda known you were still percolating on that quote. Please proceed with your plan, with which even the great and powerful Andy is as of yet unaware. Also, who is No One? A dim and distant relative, maybe, emphasis on the dim? And speaking of not testing the queen mum and other vortexial goodnesses, I, uh...well, I don't really have anything for that. I just wanted to see how fast I could type, 'vortexial.' Good on me.
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