It's fine. It's all good. As most people reply when I groan about the summer ending, "SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!" Not everyone gets two months off to dawdle about, and I do appreciate that time. It's just that I want more. More, more, more. With paychecks and full benefits.
Any takers?? No? Fine. Harumph.
Over two months ago--the last day that Wicked stepped foot in the school building--I was bamboozled in the first degree by my stealthy and conniving co-workers. They handed me this:
...knowing that I would spend the next hour and a half walking around the building, showing the widdle baby off and saying things like, "Oh, isn't he just the cutest wutest? He's such a baby waby, we wub him soooo much!" Knowing how easily distractible I am, it worked like a charm. And so while I stared at him all googly eyed and wubbed his belly, this is what they did to my car:
Ha ha ha, they're laughing, life is good, aren't they funny?! Let's see, last year it was a car filled with shredded paper, this year it was a full saran wrap-a-round. Ha ha ha ha ha, I am laughing so hard!
You know what, though, it was fine, it was all good, I laughed and thought how fun it would be if I were actually a person who could come up with good revenge ideas. But I'm not. Oh, I'll go along with a good plan, but I am not your idea person, uh-uh. Mind. Goes. Blank. And since it was my last day at school*, but the evil saran wrappers still had one more day to go, I was pretty much screwed anyway. Even if I had been able to come up with a good idea, I had no supplies, no tools, no nothing. Not even a good imagination. Meh, I thought. Whatevuh.
So imagine my surprise when my phone rang that night and a friend-who-shall-remain-unnamed said, "Don't you worry, little missy, I'll take care of you. I'll round up my posse and we'll show them what's what!" And Lawd a' mercy, they did! Just look at what they did the next day--and I cannot emphasize this enough--in my absence:
My accomplice actually managed to convince the saran crowd that I had driven 38 miles on my day off just to smack down their saran-wrapping asses! It was brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that they totally bought it. They absolutely, 100% believed that I wrought this upon them. And now I have to go back to that building tomorrow and face them and whatever revenge they've been brewing up for me all summer. Even though I honestly mostly had nothing to do with it.
Yikes.
Suddenly I feel very small and vulnerable and incapable of standing up against this. Should I just suck it up and take it like a man? Should I go on the offensive and strike first? Should I play the wait and see game?? Tell me, tell me, tell me! Friends, I need you! I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEAS rattling around in my head, and no hope of any! I need hep! What great unfulfilled revenge ideas have you been working up for the past 20 years? What's worked for you when you needed to give someone a big ol' what for? You must tell me! You must hep me! Send ideas now and you will receive, at no extra charge, photographic evidence of the mayhem created by your most excellent evil plans! Really!
Bunny says, "Help Wicked or I will eat your nose. All of it."*I'm special.
6 comments:
Oh, gosh, if my brain weren't so completely fried, I'd help you out here. But about all I can do is make goo goo noises over the baby bunny.
And mourn what to me always signifies the unfortunate end of summer: my teacher friends getting their happy asses off their sofas and back into the classroom.
Sniff. Summer, we hardly knew ye.
my idea? accept it. when the requisite new dastardly and amusing deed is pulled against ye, just grin appreciatively and belt out a hearty "BWAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA!" after all, it only means they loves you.
then get out yer prints of those brightly decorated car windows, and pass them around...wait for it to soak in that they get to spend nine months wondering when payment shall be exacted.
...four months later, you let them off early: when they come zooming out of the building to begin Christmas break, to discover their tires have been iced into the snow and there's gonna be a little delay in departure due to loss of unparking traction.
i don't know how many dixie cups of water it takes to accomplish this.
Clearly, I need to find a place for AJ in my administration.
aj is an administration unto himself, but with a powerhouse like you there to tackle international fashion and guerilla warfare, you guys could take over the world like *that!* >snap!<
i think i've mentioned the Administration In My Head before.
it tends to derail the interview process.
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