Wicked Faces the New Century, 8 Years Later

I have just been dragged kicking and screaming into Facebook by my ultra-cool and savvy friends who are full inhabitants of the 21st century. I know that I'm usually the last girl on the bus when it comes to these modern things--heck, I have a 20-year-old TV that runs off rabbit ears, and don't even talk to me about something called "BluRay" or even "cable TV" or "satellite dish"--but I hadn't realized the full extent of my techonologus ignoramus until a friend told me I really ought to try it. Both she and my other happening friend taunted me with invitations to view their pages, but those crafty muthas over there in Facebook Technology World wouldn't let me look at nothin' unless I signed up for my own page. So, in a moment of post-workout-adrenalin-high-risk-taking-this-is-what-your-mother-warned-you-about behavior, I did.

And then I freaked out because I PUT MY NAME OUT THERE ON THE INTERNET AND NOW PEOPLE WILL KNOW THINGS ABOUT ME AND FIND ME AND THIS THREATENS MY UNDER-THE-ROCK, BUILD-MY-OWN-BUNKER EXISTENCE.

Hey, paranoid much?

This process has really made me aware of just how close to the vest I play it when it comes to revealing myself, particularly in that great big scary cyberspace. Stepping into a personal space on the internet just feels so...shaky (please don't be put off by the big words I'm using). As you know, while I have freely shared pictures of other people on my blog, only recently did I put my own photo up there. And even doing that gave me a little twitch that hasn't completely gone away yet. And now here I am on Facebook. The whole thing is making me itchy.

So the situations I'm faced with, aside from my general distrust of the human race, are: a) my unease with getting up close and personal with technology, and; 2) the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing once I get there.

For example, *just* in the time I have written this I have gotten responses to some of my requests to be Facebook friends. First of all, I had no idea that I was asking people to be friends when I signed up. How did this happen? I promise you--promise you--that I'm going to be embarrassed if some of those people who I haven't spoken to in years actually respond. Secondly, I have no idea how to respond to anyone. My niece sent me a message and, seriously, I don't know how to reply to her. I went to my profile--apparently I have a profile now--and tried to figure out what to do, but I couldn't. I am such a cybertard.

So please, any of you who have a handle on these crazy new interacting personal web space online thingymabobs, help me. Surely there's a Facebook for Dummies book out there, but since I don't have the attention span to read it, maybe one of you could Cliffs Notes it for me. Or maybe I'll just forget the whole thing and purge myself of the experience by drinking the rest of that bottle of Cab-Sav on my counter. The bottom line is that this is all proving to be too much for me. I think I better go put some cheese into my newfangled microwave device and melt it on something.