Bad Moon Rising

Yaaaaaaawwwwnn......strrrreeeetccchhh....mmmmm.....zzzzz...

Looks like Wicked's been on a break, yeah?

Yeah.

What can I say, o friends of mine? My mojo's done gone and leff me. The inertia of winter has seized me in its grip and squeezed me lifeless. I'm nothing but a pool of drool these days. All I do is eat, sleep, work, and lurk on Facebook to see what the real people are doing. That's right, I've been watching you.

A girl cannot live by vicariousness alone, though, so I have dragged myself over to the Flying Star with my sturdy laptop and NOTHING ELSE so that maybe, with the help of a grilled cheese sammich and fries, I can get the hamster wheel spinning again.

Let's begin. I would like to officially declare the last few weeks FULL BLOWN CRAZY. Has anyone else noticed how whacko-macko things have seemed lately? It seems that a day can't go by without some high drama playing itself out at work. Recent items of note:

* The school went into a "freeze" because an emotionally distraught 3rd-grader took off and couldn't be found. As it turned out, no one was exactly sure what a freeze was. We knew what a lockdown was. We knew what a fire drill was. We even remembered the J. Geils Band's song, "Freeze Frame." But a freeze? Not so much. Therefore, there were plenty of us wandering the halls under the auspices of not understanding what we were supposed to do, when what we were really doing was rubbernecking the situation. Fortunately, I had the inside scoop since I had been witness to what behaviorists would call the antecedent of the situation. Yes, I had seen the missing 3rd-grader (prior to her missingness) sitting in the lobby of the school, sobbing hysterically, while the principal said to her, "I'll let you stay out here if you promise not to run off." PING! I swear I saw the lightbulb go off over her head. "Ah, yes, now I know what to do; I'll run! And then I'll hide!! And they'll never find me!" And so she did. Bad news for her, though, 3rd graders don't have the skillz to find the really good hiding places. Under the sink in the bathroom? Sorry, kid, you're nothing but an easy mark.

* A few days later, the crisis response team was called out to the playground. Apparently a couple of the 6th grade boys got to fighting, and one of them took things a little too far. You know what you get when you take things a little too far on the 6th grade playground? You get put in a hold, that's what. In front of your friends. And your teachers. And it doesn't matter how much we like you, we will not let you go while you're yelling at the top of your lungs about how the first thing you're gonna do when you get free is to go kill the other kid. I had to relieve the first responder, and I do believe it was my first time to actually use a hold on a kid. It's not fun. It's so incredibly sad to see a kid in so much anger and pain that he literally cannot control himself, and to have to hold him until he can. T-e-n-s-e. Not to mention a little awkward the next time you see him in the lunch line.

* You thought we were done, didn't you? No, no, no, a few days after that, someone e-mailed in a bomb threat to the high school! Isn't technology wonderful? This time we got the lockdown, even though the threat wasn't actually at our school. The buses couldn't leave the high school, which meant that they couldn't come get our kids, so it was crazy, daisy, man. And naturally this happened just at the end of the school day, so everyone was stuck there for quite a while. I'm not sure how long, because I snuck out to keep an appointment in town. I love to be the exception to the rule.

The good news is that in every instance, things ended well. Situations were managed and disaster averted. Yay! Go, team!

In the midst of all these crazy crises, though, I had such a funny moment that really restored perspective for me. I walked into one of my classrooms for our usual group session and the teacher turned to me and said, "Miss Wicked, the kids have all written you letters of apology for their bad behavior in your last class." Huh? Blink-blink-blink. Huh? Apparently the children had misbehaved, those bad things, even though I didn't remember it one bit. Shoot, I had bigger fish to fry around there. The letters were delightful, though, and I'm going to share some of them with you so that you, too, can experience the joy of a well-written apology.

Dear Ms. Wicked,
I am sorry for talking in class while you were teaching me. Please forgive me for talking in class please come again I love you comeing and teaching me.

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Dear Miss Wicked I am sorry that I wasn't paying attetieon well you were teaching us and am relly sorry and not listing to you. So I hope you forgive me and you are sweat.

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To Miss Wicked
I'm sorry for being loud in class and talking when you were tring to teach. Thank you.

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Dear Ms. Wicked,
I'm sorry for playing when you were talking to us. Sorry for not penattention. I'm realy sorry for doing all that. I'm realy sad.

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Mrs. Wicked I'm sorry I was talking while you were teaching. Next time you come. I will have better expectations.

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Dear Mrs. Wicked I would like to apolagize for the actions of the class and myself I am sorry.

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Ms. Wicked,
i am so sorry for talking during when you were teaching. it will never hapen again. (ed: BWAAAA HA HA HA HA!! I know who wrote this. it will never hapen again, my ass.)

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Sigh...and this is why, despite the freezes and holds and lockdowns, I keep going back to that crazy, crazy place.

Well, it seems the Flying Star has worked its magic, so I shall bid you adieu now. See you all on Facebook!