This is my nephew Robert and his friend Zak:
They're as weird as only teenage boys can be. They like to make videos; in fact, if you go to http://www.youtube.com/ and search for "RZ Studios," you'll find a couple dozen of them. I particularly recommend watching "Assignment #5," as you'll get to meet quite a number of my family members--my mum, my sister and her husband, a couple of uncles, a nephew. You've already met Rob, aka Jeffery, but he's on there too.
Zak has slowly been insinuating himself into our family. He keeps showing up at our annual reunions on the Texas coast, as well as at other family events. At some point we just stopped fighting it and let him go ahead and sleep in the house. Robert seems to like having him around, and he's pretty entertaining. Last year he put on an electric dog collar and let us shock him. Then he ate so many marshmallows that he threw up. It was fun.
All of this is leading to a message that I received from Zak the other day. It went something like this: "Sdisfhfl. Xeisrh seirhsl ieso to (it can be so hard to understand teenage boys with braces, but I think he's talking about my blog). I'm not mentioned it in at all. I've decided that for every time I'm not mentioned in your blog, I'm going to eat an animal. You've heard me, you've heard my warning, you have three days to respond. Goodbye." Now, I'm a vegetarian. I like animals so much that I won't eat them. Zak knows this; in fact, he celebrated a Day Without Meat with me last summer just to see what it would be like. However, after that day was over he took particular delight in showing me all the meat products he was preparing to ingest. I believe this pretty much rendered his meatless day null and void, so let's not get carried away with warm feelings for Zak.
A couple of things can be presumed from Zak's message: 1) during the three day response period, he will eat no meat at all; 2) since I have now devoted an entire blog to him, he will never eat meat again; and 3) he's not really paying that much attention because he actually is mentioned by name in a previous blog.
So there you go. Zak has been immortalized in cyberspace, and not for the first time. As for my part, I feel good about helping one more person go meat-free. No need to thank me, Zak--we'll celebrate with a tofu sundae in July!
8 comments:
another faux-nephew-boychik
....ohh, you are soo lucky.I suppose, if we all adopted "one"...
NO,I ust can't , sorry. Zak is yours.
Wow! Is this like being tagged for a meme?! "You must mention me in your blog or another animal dies."
Interesting tactic.
Also, he let you shock him with a dog collar AND he barfed marshmallows--ON THE SAME DAY?!
He's an unusual (usual) kid, indeed.
This entry made me laugh so hard, I nearly peed my pants. Well, okay, it's been a couple hours since I last peed and I've drunk a couple glasses of red wine (I'm STILL mourning The White Stripes) and a lot of water in the meantime, but you know. You are flippin' fargin' funny and so is everyone who comes into your famblee's orbit. Sheesh, even the hangers-on are fabulously weird and hysterical. I so heart ALL of you.
You are of the most generous accepting kind! Your family is waiting to be discovered by REALITY TV. Big big contract ahead. It’s only right that everyone should share in your very special reality. It would chill a lot of peoples.
Yeah, we're a couple of whack jobs in my family, and we all know that like attracts like. We take in charity cases in hopes that it will keep us all from a'goin' to hell. *And* because it's fun. ;-)
This is a test to see if my photo comes up with my comments now. Thanks!
Yes, this is Zak. It is confirmed that I have been extremely "mentioned" in your blog. You just saved millions of innocent animals' lives. You should feel good. Now I'm off to find some animal crackers!
-Zak
PS: Just a mention... braces are no more. I'm a free man now.
Can Zak *really* eat millions of innocent animals? It's hard to face that much innocence without switching from Dedicated Consumer to Resigned Head-petter--how do you think the Thistle got where she are todays?
WickedTHIS is preparing Zak a delicious feta cheese chimichanga snack at this very moment. Click you're heels together 3 times and say, "there's no need for beef, there's no need for beef..."
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