I don't know what it is. While everyone else is celebrating Mute Monday, I finally want to talk. So...how are you? Anything new going on? Did you eat anything good for lunch today?
My day was fine. It started some time between 4:00 and 5:00 this morning with Max, my great large furry cat, trying to york on the bed. He's an early morning yorker, so during heavy fur-shedding season (read: hairballs) I often find myself bolting out of bed in the predawn hours to rush him into a low-impact cleaning area. You'll be happy to know that it was a successful preemptive strike today, and I'll leave it to you to figure out just what exactly I mean by that.
My foray into icky body fluids was fated to continue once I got to work. Lovely Harriet, one of my fave students, is 6 years old and knows everyone. It doesn't matter if she's never set eyes on you, she'll still stop you in the hall just to say hello. And when Harriet says hello to you, believe me, you feel cared about. She is social deluxe royale, and it's a good thing because she'll never get by on her brains. Hey, I'm just saying. She's the laughingest girl I know, and she fully, fully delights my heart. So I took the little darling allllll the way down to my office--she skipped the entire way and stopped several times to greet some new friends--and we were just getting into our therapy session when she started doing the potty dance. And when this girl does the potty dance, you best get her to the bathroom fast. She's already gone through the entire wardrobe at the nurse's office and I sure don't have any 6-year-old pants just lying around, so I put it into high gear. Here's how that conversation went:
Me: "Harriet, do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Harriet: Giggle, giggle, giggle...
Me: "Harriet, look at me. Do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Harriet: "Mm-hm." Giggle, giggle, giggle...
Me: "Okay, let's go, then. I'll walk you."
--Wicked & Harriet take off at a fast trot--
Me: "You go on in and I'll wait for you here."
Harriet: "Okay!" Giggle, giggle, giggle...goes into restroom and general shuffling sounds are heard. A few moments pass.
Harriet: "Miss Wicked?"
Me: "Yes?"
Harriet: "Don't leave me, 'k?"
Me: "I won't, Harriet. You almost done?"
Harriet (after a pause): "I have diarrhea!" (This is presented in a very excited tone of voice.)
Me: "Ohhhhhh....okay, well, do you need any help? (please say no, please say no, please say no)
Harriet, emerging from the bathroom: "No!"
Me (thanking the heavens): "Great, did you wash your hands?"
Harriet: "Ye--"
Me: "No, you didn't. Go wash your hands. And don't touch me."
Harriet: "'K!"
I love Harriet despite all her diarrheal ways. She's thirty pounds of pure enthusiasm. And you know who I've got my eye on for her boyfriend?? Yep--Ozzie. They're a perfect fit.
In the meantime, though, I have had a Monday full of barf and poop and so now, I think, it is time to have a hot--and perhaps scalding--bath. Lye soap, anyone?
7 comments:
Oh, Wicked, the sacrifices you make so that the rest of us can enjoy a world in which these chillruns grow up and retain their delightfully sociable ways, only minus the poopie-stained hands. I'm ever so thankful.
ok. that's why there's Mute Monday.
Seriuosly, loved your adventure; brings back fond memories of my days...as a NURSE. Need to borrow a lab coat?
Good to hear that the voice is seeping back into the Wicked well! It is missed during intervals of replenishment (what a comforting word!). Love your work stories! I also remember Doris reporting wacky anecdotes from 94 year olds!
Moi: I do what I can. I'm hoping there will be a cash reward at the end.
DR: Well said. Not everyone wants to hear about body fluids, especially a retired nurse. Sh-sh-sh-shhhh...
afanny: You had me at "replenishment." I want me some of that. I want it bad, real bad. I also like the image that springs to mind when I consider that there might be a well of Wickedness. Frightening, yes, but oh, the possibilities...
Hee hee...I oughta come over heah more often, jes' to git a laugh!
the pure enthusiasm, does it weigh thirty pounds before or *after* the diarrhea?
aj: Yes, it does. But you knew that already, didn't you?
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