I have reached the absolute end of my compassion, benevolence, excuse-making, magnanimousness, empathy, sympathy, and tolerance. It's a good thing that a nice long break is coming, because otherwise I'm just going to barf with the doneness of it all.
It's work, you see. It's a funny thing when you work in a setting where you can depend on a two-week break every December. You begin to expect it, see it as your right, and plan for all your frustrations, anxiety, stress, and annoyance to converge upon you in the day or two before it starts. You carefully manage to stop caring approximately 8 days before it starts. You start showing your annoyance in increasing bits around 4 days before it begins. When you see a kid running in the hall, you yearn to trip them rather than kindly redirect them to walk. When a kindergartner drops their milk all over the floor and starts crying, you tell them to suck it up, it's a tough world out there and nobody likes crybabies. When you get a disaster drill sprung upon you and you have to spend 40 minutes outside with 3- and 4-year olds and WITHOUT YOUR COAT, you learn that you're not above smacking a kid in the back of the head when no one else is looking. Well, at least that's what you want to do. And if there aren't any witnesses, well, there's no proof, now, is there?
Clearly, my soul has grown moldy of late. I'm afraid that the only way to cleanse it is to do a little pre-holiday purging. And I'm sorry, but you have to hear it. Please keep in mind that what you are about to read is just me yakking up all my annoyances and frustrations. Consider your role in this as something akin to community service or charity work, because once it is purged from me, there will be plenty of room for kittens and roses and goodness and light to fill up the vacated dark spaces. So do it for the greater good. Do it for Wicked. We'll all feel better.
Crap That I Am No Longer Tolerating:
1. Teachers who want to bitch and bitch and bitch and BITCH about how bad a kid is doing in their class, but won't show up at a meeting to figure out ways to help the kid do better...much less actually help them to do better by understanding them and supporting them and creating opportunities for their success. Because school isn't about helping kids, you see, school is about punishing them. We all know that watching kids fail is fun and it proves us right. See, I told you that if you didn't get your work done you'd get a zero. I'm right. You're wrong. I'm superior. You're a rat turd.
2. Parents who don't care enough to return phone calls or show up at meetings. Don't complain about how long it takes to get your kid into special services when you cancel every meeting that I schedule.
3. People who think that yelling, blaming, and general browbeating is an effective way to get kids to do what they want. It's not. Not sure? Try it. Try it again. You'll see. Do you learn by having your boss yell at you? Does it make you excited about showing up for work, about doing your job well? Yeah, didn't think so.
But keep in mind that when I do it, it's cute.
4. Parents who don't understand that their children must be able to see and hear in order to learn. Glasses. Hearing exams. Check 'em out. Worried that your kid don't talk right? Maybe it's because your kid don't hear right. Pick up the phone. Call a doctor. Make an appointment. Take your kid.
5. You kids. You darn, darn kids. You're breathing near me. You're looking at me. You're sassing me, and I don't like it. Some of you are hugging me, and you guys I like as long as you just washed your hands and don't have anything disgusting hanging off you that might get on me. The rest of you, though, you're gross and annoying and I'm tired of you. Go home.
6. Bad snacks. Listen, folks, when you are asked to bring snacks to work so that everyone can enjoy something yummy to eat, take a minute and get something good. Don't use it as an excuse to go through your pantry and pull out all the stuff you don't want. That's tacky, and everyone sees right through you.
Oh, wait a minute, that last one was me. Never mind.
Ahhh, I do feel better. Thank you for listening. I'm free to enjoy happy thoughts and goodwill once again. And on the up side, I got dogpiled by the 3- and 4-year olds while we were outside being disaster-free, and all those little bodies kept me right cozy and warm. So maybe I will go back tomorrow, after all.
8 comments:
Bless You, my dear little repository for small snotty, whining, sniveling inconsequential mammalian organisms.
hairball eliminated.... now that you're done, you can find more whining at my blog.... but, different... :) I like the way you whine better. Would you like some cheese with that?
Wicked does it so the rest of us don't have to. And with much humor, besides.
Now, if I may use a totally inappropriate and not nearly as serious analogy so that you know I can relate just a smidge: Insert dogs where you have children, and dumb ass shelter managers where you have teachers and you got my day. I actually saw a trainer yesterday jerk a dog on a choke collar and lead. Over and over and over. To get it from going over and saying howdy to its doggie buddy. Hmmmm . . . schools and animal shelters: Smells like the Dark Ages to Moi.
Evidently you don't want us to think of you as such a great hero - but now after seeing the CGI-created monsters you have to deal with, you appear even greater in my mind! Please whine when ever you need to!
as a parent to one child in special (very, very special) services and another in special (homebound, and thanks for the dozen roadblocks, my dear admins and doctors) services too, i must now call you an Insensitive Beast.
i'm still gonna give you a six pack of Dead Guy Ale for you're birthday, though.
and them muckaducks who will kick him out of school but won't let him into homebound, even with all the facts in order and all the paperwork done...well, you know who you are and you may jolly well EFF OH.
hey, it must be four days until christmas here too!
DR: Yep, and that's just the adults.
OB: Ha, hairball!! Love it. And some cheese with my whine sounds lovely. I read your whine and thought it was perfectly perfect. Whining is so much better when done with friends.
Moi: Oh, yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. The similarities are undoubtedly staggering. Someday let's sit down with a bottle or two of Beaujolais and compare our little hearts out. I think we'll both feel better after, and certainly a little less alone in the dark moments.
afanny: Blush. Blush, blush, blush. Oh, and...CGI?
aj: Well, yes, of course I am an insensitive beast, but, um...that's not exactly *new* information for you, is it?? It's a privilege of being the youngest. And just imagine how I'll be with a 6-pack of Dead Guy Ale in me. Yeah, then we'll have us a holiday throwdown!! Just like last year. Ah, I do love the yuletide season. And you. 'Speshly you.
i am now imagining my little sister and big sister in the same room with me, one soused on Dead Guy and the other chock full of Barefoot wine.
CHOCK full.
always take care of the sisters.
urp. hey, was i there? it went by so quickly that i am not sure.
back at work dec 26. mmmmm, work.
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