I Am So Sorry For This Stream of Consciousness

Le sigh.

Sure, a girl goes a day without blogging, then a week, then another week, and before she knows it the prospect of getting back in the blogging saddle has become so large, so unattainable, so OUT THERE that she gets exhausted just thinking about it and has to sit down for a minute. And then she sits down, and lo and behold, there is a remote control which is attached through some invisible magic she does not understand to her still-relatively-new-bigass TV and so how easy is it to walk her fingers over and just hit that power button? And now that she's sitting down and enjoying the latest episode of Lost (can anybody tell me WTF is going on in that show?), she needs to have a little cheesy snack. As she eats her cheesy snack and tries to figure out how Jack can be dead and then undead and how time travel can make one's nose bleed, she becomes sad that the thought of putting fingers to keyboard has become so overwhelming that she's not sure if she can ever blog again. And once upon a time, she loved blogging. And cheesy snacks. And then she starts wondering what would happen if someone took those away?? What if prohibition came and took the the form of cheese?! And then she sees something shiny and starts thinking about Fridays.

You see why I never get anything done? These voices in my head are so distracting and lead me into medinas that are impossible to extricate myself from. I've not-blogged for so long that every day it becomes a bigger and bigger deal for me to blog, and therefore I can't because there's too much pressure to write something really grand to make up for my absence. By the way, is there anyone out there even still reading this?

And so I feel so...le sigh.

So I decided tonight that it's okay to start small, perhaps with a story from that strange world of kids that I inhabit. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Let's give it a try.

The other day I took the preschoolers out for a color hunt. They're learning colors because they're five now, and by golly, THEY WILL KNOW THEIR COLORS BEFORE THEY REACH KINDERGARTEN. So we're doing colory things with them to really grind the concepts into their itty bitty brains. Since we were having a rare pleasant day outside, I thought we'd go wander the school property and see what kind of colorful trash we could find lying around. Don't pick up the hypodermics, kids! So off we go. We partnered everybody up and tromped off into the great wilderness that is known as Wicked's School.

Everything was going fine until we got distracted by young Ozzie, who decided to go look into the classroom windows of kids who were taking the highly standardized and heavily controlled federally mandated annual test from hell. Maybe you remember this from when you were in school? No? Mmph. Well, it's a heavy situation--there are to be no disturbances at all, no deviations from the standardized administration, under threat of being reported (gasp!) to the state. And there goes Ozzie, ready to yell, "Hewwo! Hewwo! Bwue!" into the windows. So we all go chasing after him, whisper-yelling at him to get back here right now! In all the ruckus, no one noticed little Peter, who had decided it was the right time to whip out his pee-pee and water the flowers right there in front of the school. Nice. So now we're whisper-yelling at him to stop, which is funny when you think about it because what 5-year-old could possibly stop his stream of pee? He took no notice of the four adults circling him and just completed the job with an air of casualness about the whole thing.

Good heavens.

Well, we quickly whisked those kids back into the building, with me trying to come up with an explanation for the principal about how our nature walk turned into a lesson on boys' anatomy. Fortunately, he never asked, and since our number one motto in preschool is don't ask, don't tell, I got to walk away from that one. Whew.

Well, that is my story and now I am exhausted and must go to bed. I'm counting this blog as a success, not for its literary content, heavens no, but because I a) started it, and 2) finished it. Woo hoo! Goodnight, all.