Goodbye, Laptop

This is my laptop.

And by "my," I actually mean "belongs to the company for which I work but I pretend like it's mine-mine-mine for nine months out of the year." I love this laptop. It's so...portable. Say, for instance, that I'm feeling tired but I still need to Google the average length of the day at the Earth's equator. Well, Ms. Laptop just comes right over with me to the sofa. Or what if I've just made a huge plate of nachos that's too heavy to lift off of the kitchen counter BUT I'm in the middle of searching for pictures of George Clooney's butt--that baby just joins me in the kitchen! Or perhaps I feel like being a part of the masses--a really cool part--and I want to take my laptop to the Flying Star and use it to improve my image by Looking Very Busy as I drink mango iced tea with free refills and eat cookies and home fries. It's just so darn easy, and I love easy. I was meant to be a princess, you know.

Alas, my day has come and now I must return Ms. Laptop to its cold, heartless rightful owner so that it can sit in a dark closet for 10 weeks waiting for me. No one will love it there. No one will take it out and caress its little keys. No one will take it to funky coffee shops and show it magazines. And I'll be left with my big clunky desktop computer that isn't portable at all.

So with fingernails scraping against its case, I will watch it be torn from my grasp by some robotic employee who doesn't care that it likes Cheetohs or that it prefers not to be stepped on by the big cat. Goodbye, laptop--you have been a good and faithful friend, and I will miss you.