Oh Mickey, You're So Fine, You're So Fine You Blow My Mind, Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!

Actually, Mickey didn't blow my mind at all; rather, he blew me off. The mouse bastard. I looked high and low for that man, and although he left graven images of himself everywhere, his actual Mickey self evaded me.

I found images of him in the soap wrapping:

And in the soap itself, which was a little creepy come bath time:

Even in the shampoo:

But I did not find him in my bed:

Look carefully--no Mickey.

Listen, it's not like I needed to see him, but you'd think he would have the decency--or at least some sort of contractual agreement--to come by and say hello to his guests. But no.

Aside from this rather gaping hole in the fabric of my Disney World experience, it went pretty well there. I'm no big Disney fan, mind you, but I have to say that it is a very special place. I'm pretty sure they start pumping opiates into the air the second you pass through the gate, but who am I to complain? If that's what it takes to keep the tourists compliant, then so be it. And compliant they were. I didn't see one knife brandished, one threat made, nor any mention of an alert level. Disney does, however, take your fingerprint when you enter the parks, which is more than just a little disconcerting. Apparently they trust you, but just so far.

Aside from that, the comfort and pleasure of the guest is paramount. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to leave the park once you get there. Between the monorail, the buses and the boats, you can get from any point A to any point B that you like. There are plenty of walking/jogging trails, not to mention the bicycles and the carriage rides and jet skis. And the pools, oh, the crazy, crazy pools that come in all shapes and sizes and almost always have a waterfall! And let us not forget the theme parks themselves, which is, of course, why most folks visit there. It's just one big, happy utopia unto itself.

With all that fun going on, it was really a pity that I had to be at a conference and couldn't spend every second of every day enjoying it. Fortunately, the conference ended by three or four each afternoon and anyway, my boss (who was there) gave me tacit permission to leave early. Well, at least I think she did; she blinked twice and then clicked her pen, which we all know means, Hey, don't worry about attending the conference that we paid a lot of money for. Go ahead; cheat the system. We'll still keep you on staff. Not that it's easy to lie in Disney World, though, what with all the goodness and purity floating around. Even though I never saw Mickey, I did feel his presence around me, judging me harshly, so I hunkered down and did the right thing and went to my dang conference and bolted out of there only after the last PowerPoint slide had made its way to the big screen.

But once I was free, man, I was all about scoring the Disney experience. Disney Downtown, Epcot Center, fireworks show after fireworks show, drinks in the penthouse lounge, ethnic food, walks around the lake --there was an endless array of choices for my apres conference activities. It's practically round-the-clock fun, and perfect for the insomniac. So if you love fun and adventure and waiting in line, I heartily recommend Disney World to you for your next vacation. And if you do go, please hunt Mickey down and tell him I said hello. And that I know where he lives. And that I'll never, ever, ever get tired of looking for him. And then tell him I love him, I mean really love him, the kind of love that endures for an eternity. And if he doesn't know what "eternity" means, tell him that it's forever. F.o.r.e.v.e.r. Mickey and Wicked, together forever.

Looking out from my hotel room; ooh, how lush, not at all like the desert!

The dock out back

The nice singing man at the British pub; my boss really liked him. I mean really liked him. She grew up in England, so it's not like she could help it. But seriously, I thought she liked him a little more than a respectable married woman should.